Darkness

The cold of the darkness is haunting.
The reaching,
claw-like fingers
that reach out
and play piano scales
up and down my spine...
the soft moans of the night
as it creeps in to devour.
No light shines in this darkness.
In this blackness
I am alone.
I walk,
alone,
down this moonless street.
that leads me endlessly
through dreams.
I am alone.
Scared.
and empty.
This night is empty
the darkness is cold.
It claws into my soul
and settles upon my shattered heart.
Darkness blossoms
inside me.
For I am alone.
And without you
I am nothing.
The darkness grows inside me
as I stand
wreathed in shadows...
without you.

Identities

Who are you?
My life?
My soul?
My destiny?
Sent to break these chains
and rescue me?
Sent to here
to set me free?
Who are you?
My heart?
My joy?
My savior too?

Who am I
without you?

Fear

Fear
Ties choking knots
Around my thoughts
and never lets me go.

Horror
seeps in
fears closest kin;
erases all I know.

Panic
breaks my hold on life
and shatters all thats good and bright
till nothing's left at all.

The dark
of fear
that left me here
will break me when I fall.

Dresses

There are dresses
    all around me:
         red
gold
             blue
       green
.
  .
    .
Dresses
     of
       every
            Color.
I want to chose
   and yet
      I        can't.
I want to pick one
You    Would    Like
     to see me in.

Where do I begin?

Trying On This Feeling

I'm trying on this feeling
It fits me rather nice.
When this feeling dissapates
My heart's left cold as ice.
I can't explain this need I feel
to experience this joy
I think this emotion's name is love...

I can't explain this bubbling
I will attribute it to joy.
Joy over the elation
Of loving the most amazing boy.

Biting

Eyes
Ears
Mouth
Lips
sensing all of this
with my fingertips.
Heart
Soul
You're making me whole.
When you're gone
I am alone.
Breaking with pain
I've never known.
It bites,
it tears
It keeps me
there
inside my ruthless agony.
I miss you.
You hate me.
How on earth can this be?
......

Do you still remember me?

Poetic Inspiration

Let your soul fly free.
Your heart is safe with me.

Slipping

Clinging
tightly
to the wall.
Afraid
that I
might finally fall.
Your eyes
they hold me
silently.
Like cuffing
metal
I can't break free.
Your silent stare
full of wonder
lingers there
where my heart might be.
If it weren't beating
up in my throat...
leaping out
my open throat.
lips parted
in a forbidden sigh
turning around
but caught by your eyes.
I cling to the wall
for it is my life.
I hide in these shadows
void of the light.
I am a flower
holding the wall.
the wall for support
in case I might fall.
In danger of falling,
my heart hits the floor.
you look at me,
and nothing matters more.
My control
is slipping
out of my grasp.
My flailing hands
wildly clasp
the hem of my skirts
as I flee from the room.
I cannot stay,
staring at you.

I now have no wall
to hold as I fall.
What can I do?
I have fallen
in love.
Fallen for you.

Tearing Up (My World)

My world
is tearing up.
Being wrenched apart
by this unseen force.
Is it love?
Or is it disaster?
Maybe both.
'Cause after all,
they are the same.
Love is resentful.
Disaster is an easy escape.
Everything ends with darkness,
whether peaceful
or terrifying.
Darkness also begins
everything.
Before there was light,
darkness had to be.
Before there was color,
there had to be an absence
of everything.
My world
is tearing up.
Being wrenched apart
by this unseen force.
Is it love?
Or is it disaster?
Maybe both.

On The Verge

I'm standing
On The Verge
of everything I once knew.
Looking down
past the memories
I still have of you.
Knowing all I need to know,
and yet still feeling this undying pain.
There is nothing that I would not give
to see you once again.
I'm waiting
On The Verge
of everything I know.
I thought I'd gotten over you
but I cannot let you go.
You have my heart
but in your hands
it's worth less than anything.
You don't want it.
You threw it away.
I can't ignore the pain it brings.
I'm crying.
On The Verge
of losing everything.
My heart,
My soul,
everything gone.
Everything but my life.
You easily move on
while I'm stuck in this ever present night.
Give way
to day
and chase the clouds away.
Carry me away
carry me far away
from this edge.
From this treacherous ledge
that has me frozen here
stuck with fear
and the pain of memories.
All of these
emotions...
that have me so discour'ge'd
all these fears
and futile tears
that have me
On The Verge.

Questions

They're everywhere.
Crowding, choking.
Shouting, speaking.
Breaking, bleeding...
Questions...
Who has the answers?

Listening

All around me ring the sounds
of people.
Laughing, talking, wondering.
These people are constantly blundering.
Seeking happiness.
Instead their lives are a mess.
And still I can't forget.
Everything about you
everything that made you
you.
I'm still listening on the chance
that I will glance
up and see your face.
Here in this crowded place
there is nothing left but my disgrace.
No more lies just laughter.
No morre sorrow;
happily ever after's.
For everyone but me.
Can't you see?
I'm listening
for your footsteps to ring
out on the street
and meet the pavement at my seat...
and stop.
Look slowly up...
seeing if he's real.
Can my heart still heal?
Do you feel it beating?
You hold it in your hand.
Can I still stand?
Who is this man?
Who stole my heart?
Who is this man
who broke my heart
and tore me apart?
What can I do?
when everything in my listening
has always lead me back
to you.

The Motto of a Broken Female

You are a wonderful and talented woman.
You can do anything you set your mind to.
You are an independent mind who needs to break free.
Ignore the hateful stares and words that degrade your heart.
Ignore the sneers that cut deep to your pride.
Don’t build up the hurt, or keep the pain inside.
Let it all out before you fall apart.
Stop thinking only of yourself and be the one you were born to be.
You can to anything. All you have to do…
Is find the strength to begin again.

Eyes

Your eyes
follow me.
All these eyes
always see.
Green eyes
of summer grass.
Brown eyes
of Autumn's past.
Blue eyes
of oceans deep...
all these eyes
conspiringly peep.
Eyes are knowing.
Some are kind.
But your eyes
are the only ones
I seek to find.
Without your eyes
I am blind.
I cannot find
the eyes
that save me.
Where is the heart
that you gave me?
It is gone.
Back in your chest?
The eyes are gone.
No longer looking.
No longer caring.
Your eyes are black
I can't take back
the words I wish I'd never said.
They repeat themselves inside my head.
And when I go to bed
it's always your eyes
I see behind MY eyes.
Your eyes through the dark...
Your eyes on my face...
Your eyes in each and every place.
They always find me,
always haunt me.
Never speaking
always watching.
Always moving.
Never talking.
Stupid eyes.
I loath thy light.
go away and leave the night.
Leave me in dark
the night is gray.
Your eyes still follow...
I turn away.

Company

My mind is blank.
Nothing said.
No whispering voices
Inside my head.
It's only me.
And always will be.
I do not want
any company.
If you sit down
here at my side
you won't hear me speak
or see me cry.
I am all broken
torn up inside.
I have nothing left,
my soul is bone dry.
Nothing to offer,
nothing to give.
No longer knowing
why I still live.
My mind is blank,
no thoughts play here.
My heart thumps a sad tune.
My soul shrivels with fear.
Nothing to see
nothing to say.
Please pass me by
and go your own way.
I don't want to talk.
I can no longer cry.
I wish you would leave me
And let my heart die.
It's already broken
see the shattered shards.
Splattered blood-red on the rolling boulevard.
I stroll down these streets,
my mind blank and alone.
I'm not looking for peace.
Not looking for home.
I don't want your friendship.
I don't want your stares.
I don't want your lies.
Nobody cares.
My heart is bleeding
the pain here is waning
I am not needing
the ground I am gaining.
I don't need to move.
I don't want to stay.
My head is now throbbing
with the words you don't have to say.
Please go away.
Leave me to die.
Be like everyone else
and just pass me by.
Nothing is wrong.
nothing's that bad.
I'm just a person
with a right to be sad.
My heart is broken
my mind is dead.
No thoughts are rushing
inside of my head.
There's only me.
lonely
on this empty street.
Our paths will never meet.
And yet I'm always wishing...
always waiting...
It's always been me,
and yet I've always craved your company.

Wishful Thinking

If wishes were fishes
the world would be a sea...
but what on God's earth
does that have to do with me?

Can't I think of you
without having to dream?
Aren't you a reality?
Or is that only as it seems?

I am confused
and don't know what to think.
If my world was made of water...
I believe that I would sink.

Surrounded by wishes
that are in fact fishes?
What would that say of me
if you were a wish in my fishy sea?

Would you be human
or would you be a fish?
If in fact
you are my own wish?

Would the term "wishful"
in fact be "fishful"?
and what about wishing?
could I be "fishing"?

This makes no sense
and so you see
wishes aren't fishes
and the world's not a sea.

So of course fishing
and wishing for you
has nothing to do with me.

Rain

Rain is hope.
Rain is healing.
Rain is lost.
Rain is failing.
Rain is falling.
Rain is wet.
I don't want to leave you.
Not now, not yet.
Rain is heavy, suffocating.
Why this feeling of misery
every time it's raining?
Rain is good... for the land.
But not for me.
My upturned hands
catch the rain.... the falling drops.
I stand here, still...
until it stops.
The rain slows
and the rainbow
appears.
But who can tell what's on my face?
Is it rain?
Or tears?

Wallflower

Whispers.
Answers.
Little to say.
Little to repeat.
Forever
Listening.
Often
Wondering, "Will I
Ever find the
Right person?"

...To free me from these familiar shadows.
And see me for who I am...